London After Midnight :: Carry On… Screaming

Posted: October 29, 2012 in Songs
Tags:


London After Midnight :: Carry On… Screaming
Available on Amazon: MP3 | Album | CD

This song found me at one of the lowest points in my life. It fit like a glove which hurts to remember now. The beginning starts slow, with slightly eerie keyboards giving way to a smooth, velvety voice that could belong to ghost or a vampire. Back then, the words were razorblades hidden beneath silk, creeping up, almost soothing, until they were unsheathed, opening wounds just because I was living them.

I’ve never been so alone than with you
I’ve never been scared to dream until now
I can’t close my eyes, I’ll carry on… screaming

Looking back, half of me wonders just how dramatic I’d become in my younger days. The other half remembers and feels it was justified. I was at a point where I didn’t think I had an out. Where even thinking of getting out hurt so much it was easier to blank out and slip into obliviousness. I wasn’t physically alone, the person I was married to had suffered in his own right. Part of that though is why I felt so trapped and so helpless. The problem wasn’t primarily mine so there wasn’t much I could do. Days blended into a mindless blur. Nights were something I care not to remember, save for the few friends who helped ground me during them.

I wish I could say this song gave me hope but in reality, I was past that. It was all I could do to cling to the words, the music, like a lifeline. It reminded me that even if there was nothing better than this, I had no choice but to carry on. Taking myself out of the picture was not an option.

In a way, this was one of the songs that saved my life. I hate to sound that melodramatic but even after all these years, I still believe it. It’s not the only song, or the only thing, but it contributed a great deal to me being here today. When I hear it now, it reminds me of those darker days, and makes me even more determined to never slide back into them again. So still, years after the fact, it continues to keep me from falling.

Sean, I know I’ve said this numerous times in the past, but again, thank you. Those are all the words I have and they will never be enough. For this song, and your support. Thank you.

xx

Originally posted here.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s