Matt Nathanson :: Falling Apart

Posted: November 28, 2012 in Songs

Matt Nathanson :: Falling Apart
Available on Amazon: MP3 | Album | CD

Relationships take work. There are inevitable ups and downs. I’ve got loads of songs for the highs but this one never fails to catch me during the lows. It keeps me from crashing. And reminds me why I want to get back up and keep going.

Maybe it’s because I’m crazy
Maybe it’s because I just can’t honestly tell you want I want

How many fights are the result of misunderstanding? How many arguments end up heated because you start (figuratively) throwing everything including the kitchen sink at each other until you’re both (emotionally) bruised? How many clashes are due to insecurity or fear because one or both of you can’t admit it? Words fail. Emotions reign. That’s when things start to feel crazy.

Am I no good to you now?
We’re spilling over. We’re falling apart.

It’s easy to turn fear around in the heat of battle. To blame the other for having such lofty expectations that you can’t possibly measure up. It’s harder to to figure out you’re doing the same, not just to the other person but possibly yourself as well. Maybe it’s you who wanted to be something you’re not. It’s that insecurity again, forcing you to analyze why things aren’t working. Sometimes it turns inward. When you engage with another person, it turns into a fight. And if neither party backs down, things deteriorate.

So I’m here. Safe Dear.
A fiction in your arms.

There’s always a certain amount of internal change that occurs in a person involved in a relationship. Even if you don’t give yourself over completely (never a good thing), compromises almost always have to be made. The problem is finding that line, making sure that you stay more or less intact while still making room in your life for another. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you change too much and realize it too late. By that time the other person has fallen for the version of you that you claimed to be.

So get me out, start me over
Forever changed, I should have told you

When you’re in love, the object of your affection becomes your whole world. It’s a trap. If you’re lucky, the other person will be worthy of that trust, not only to catch you when you fall, but push you away when you start to lose yourself. That’s why it’s easy to blame someone else when you’re falling. “I did this because I loved you!” No, you should always do things because you want to. That’s the one thing that can’t be compromised. Ultimately, no one is responsible for your actions but yourself.

Cause all I say, it doesn’t matter anyway.
All I say, it doesn’t matter anyway.
I’m giving up, so call my bluff.

On the same vein, you can’t change anyone. The other person has to come to the realization on their own. All your words, all your bluster and energy, it amounts to nothing if the other person isn’t receptive. You start throwing scenarios, even threats, trying to force them to prove you right or wrong or something. You want them to see your side, somehow validate and justify how you feel.

Cause I just need to be reminded who I am.

That line is the crux of the entire song for me. Regardless of their reaction, that proof has to come from within. You have to really look at yourself, be honest with yourself. If you’re wrong, admit it. If you’re right, give no ground. Usually you’re in between. The only way you can get anywhere is if you know where you’re standing first. Remind yourself who you are, what you want, then figure out where to go.

I’m giving up. Starting over.
I wanna be, I wanna hold you.

The idea of “falling apart” because of some outside force really means you’re so affected that you crumble inside. You allow it to touch you, to move you, to break you. The only way out of it is to center and ground yourself. Only when you are solid, planted, can you even begin to extend your hand to another, perhaps to apologize or offer support.

So wanna be loved?
So come on now, come on love.

Perhaps both of you were wrong. Perhaps one or the other was right. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that both of you want to acknowledge the relationship, and want to save it. That means letting go of your pride enough to compromise, without giving your entire self over. You talk, you confirm, you assure, maybe reassure, hold hands and decide together how to face the world- united or apart.



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