Gotye :: Bronte

Posted: December 10, 2012 in Songs
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Gotye :: Bronte
Available on Amazon: MP3 | Album | CD

Last year, I fell into Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know” along with the rest of the world. It was everything I’d felt about my ex at the time, down to the guilt, the blame, and the random dropoffs of possessions by other parties. After I recovered (and it got overplayed), I went through the rest of the album. There was some amazing stuff there including “Eyes Wide Open” and “I Feel Better” but it was “Bronte” that stood out most.

Now your bowl is empty
And your feet are cold
And your body cannot stop rocking
I know… it hurts to let go

I first heard it with the video. While the animation has a very Princess Mononoke feel to it, a bit of research revealed that “Bronte” is actually about the passing of a family dog. The knowledge that these words were real, that they described an actual creature being put down, tugged at my heartstrings. But I found all of that out after the song had already grabbed me.

Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed and upset, I pull into myself, separating that ball of hurt from the face I show outside. Sometimes, the break is so clean that the two halves start to feel foreign to each other. In most cases, it’s usually the side of me that loves life, that embraces everything, that can find joy and fun no matter what the situation, that gets hurt. It’s more sensitive, innocent, alive. If the situation is dire enough, it refuses to  rejoin the rest of the whole. When the song found me, it was during one of those times.

We will be with you
When you’re leaving
We will be with you
When you go
We will be with you

And hold you till you’re quiet
It hurts to let you go

This became a message from my outer face to my inner self. “It’s okay to come out. You’re safe. We’ll protect you. We need you.” Because without that joy, life is just getting by. At the same time, I still felt all that fear. I didn’t want to open myself back up to that. It was a constant battle between the sun turned spiky moon and the exhausted wave trying to keep everything together.

We will be with you
You will stay with us

Does this sound crazy yet? It does to me and I’m living it. It’s true though. I learned to separate when I was married. I couldn’t deal with everything going on around me. I had to go to work, I had to function, I had to keep rent and food coming. There was no way I could do that if I allowed myself to break down completely. In retrospect, maybe it would’ve been better. It would’ve stopped the cycle.

Even now, I’m still finding bits and pieces of me that were shoved down in order to simply survive. I feel like I’m constantly trying to coax myself back together. Finding myself has been literal some days, like putting together a puzzle. If there’s one thing I’ve learned though, it’s to not do that again. Splitting in order to fit someone else’s mold is never an answer. Sooner or later, your true self finds its way back or you lose your mind completely.

I almost did. And will be forever grateful to still be here.

xx

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