John Flanagan :: Tomorrow

Posted: December 31, 2012 in Songs
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John Flanagan :: Tomorrow
Available on Amazon: MP3 | EP

This song found me in the quiet moments between Christmas & New Year’s, when the rush of the holiday gifting ended, before the end-of-the-year celebrations began. It starts off with a music box, sweet and calming at first, like a lullaby. The first verse speaks of light and love. John’s voice is angelic. Then the drums come in. The song takes a turn. Hope turns to dread. The angel falls, the vocals taking on an edge. Soft piano is overcome by guitars, leading to a wailing solo. In the end, the music box finds its voice. The angel picks himself up and starts to walk again. It’s the perfect background to reflect on the year past, to prepare for the year ahead.

She came to me as in a dream, I didn’t know if I should follow
But I did, and when I did, she told me of the world tomorrow.

Looking back, this year has opened up so many doors. I found myself in situations and places I never thought I would, with people I came to love and admire. I realized, perhaps for the first time, that I could dream, dream big, and take steps to make those dreams a reality. The world became exciting again, full of possibility and wonder. I didn’t have to just endure or survive. I could actually live if I so chose.

“Tomorrow there’ll be light,” she said. “The light of love that’s yet to come.”
Across the land all was alive. The victory that love had won.

But then, a few days ago, I received a late Christmas present from my ex- an order to appear in court to raise the spousal support he is receiving from me. He claims a disability prevents him from working so wants me to finance him fully through school so he can get a better job to support himself. If that makes little to no sense, it doesn’t.

And without notice all was gone. The sky was dark and fields lay dead.
Through the air there came a sound. And deep within me there grew dread.

After the divorce, I agreed to pay him half my salary for a period of time to help him get back on his feet. This forced me to stay with my parents as I couldn’t afford a place on my own. Earlier this year, my pay was cut in half due to budget cuts at work. I requested a modification to lower the spousal support amount accordingly. Wanting to stay out of court (again, citing this disability), he agreed.

Now he is claiming he “wasn’t thinking clearly” when he signed. The amount he is requesting is more than the original amount I had been paying before my pay was cut.

I closed my eyes and begged my guide, “Please take me from this place of sorrow.”
For in my heart I knew the sound. Had been the cry of me tomorrow.

His logic, reasoning, audacity, and simple math escapes me. Furthermore, during the time between the first modification and this request, he never mentioned going back to court. Instead, he sent various emails telling me how much he loves me, misses me, and wants to get back together. Does this sound like the behavior of a man in love?

I opened my eyes. The light it grew. I found myself inside my room.
My guide had gone. It seemed too soon. My world had lost the beauty she revealed.

For one frightening moment, I saw my dreams start to slip away. I would never be free. He would never let me go. Even after the divorce, he continues to try to control me, to skew my reality so that it revolves around him.

Incessantly I chase a dream it seems that only I believe,
and every night I fall asleep hoping I can hold and keep tomorrow.

And in that same moment, I knew I couldn’t give up. That world I had started to discover still exists. The possibilities are no further than they were before I received the summons. Tomorrow begins a new year.

For my freedom. For my dreams. For my family. For my friends. For myself. I won’t give up.

xx

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