Archive for March, 2013

Queen :: Don’t Stop Me Now

Posted: March 9, 2013 in Songs

Queen :: Don’t Stop Me Now
Available on Amazon: MP3 | Album | CD

This song has become associated with one of the greatest highs I’ve ever had. It will also forever remind me of a certain boy and girl, who by example have taught me a great deal about being confident, strong, and comfortable in your own skin. They’re not perfect, they have their flaws. But they have guts and strength, kindness and honor, confidence and humility. Qualities I admire and would like to assimilate.

After the divorce, I became obsessed with re-learning how to function in “normal” society, endlessly debating what “normal” meant, and eventually deciding “normal” could sod off as it wasn’t me. I decided to “find” myself but consistently relied on others to tell me what that was. I tried to become everything to everyone and failed miserably. I started to believe that there had to be a magical group of people out there who would accept everything about me, though even I didn’t know. Despite the constant support of friends and family, I didn’t feel like I truly belonged anywhere.

It’s easy to blame my controlling marriage for essentially turning me into a zombie over the course of ten years. I turned off, stopped feeling until the only thing left was anger that would explode when pushed too hard. In truth, he’s not the only one to blame. I allowed myself to become a monster. With freedom came fear. I didn’t know what to do, what to think, how to be without someone dictating it. Everything became an unknown. Except music and the people I’d met through it.

Tonight I’m gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive and the world it’s turning inside out Yeah!
I’m floating around in ecstasy
So don’t stop me now don’t stop me
‘Cause I’m having a good time having a good time

That night, I found myself out with a group that included this boy. And this girl. We ended up at a bar even though half of us didn’t drink. I wish I could but I’m allergic. Most of my friends enjoy it, even need it to relax. I’m the permanent designated driver, constantly waiting for people to get buzzed enough to dance with me. That’s my other issue. When music hits, I have to move no matter how stupid I might look. Most of my friends tolerate it but I still feel alienated when I end up dancing alone.

With this group, none of that mattered. This song came on. It was like magic.