[ Musings ] Being “Too Nice”

Posted: May 16, 2013 in Blog

We think that being nice will get the acceptance, approval, validation, or peace we crave, so we repress our honest feelings and expression. Playing nice may seem like a good idea at the time, but if it isn’t real, it creates resentment.” ~ Christine Hassler

This has been one of my biggest issues during and after my marriage. I keep looking for approval, for somewhere to fit in and belong. Sometimes that means “playing nice” to assimilate better. Where do you draw the line though? There’s being nice, just to be nice. Then there’s being “too nice” and letting people walk over you. Plus all the grey areas in between.

I typically err on the “too nice” side to be safe. There are times when I don’t even know if I’m being authentic or not because how I feel at that moment changes when I look back on it days after. I get so focused on the current situation or a certain person that I’ll immerse myself in the heat of that moment and act accordingly. It’s not until days after when I step back and think, “Wait, that was too much.”

So which “me” is real? The person I was in the present when the situation happened? Or the one in the future looking back?


  1. I can totally agree. There are certain situations where I am being way to nice and I debate if this is good or bad. It might come off as phony and it’d be better just to be your regular self. I usually just opt and be myself, it’s better they get the real picture of who I am.

    • Admin says:

      I wish I had a better concept of “myself” so I’d be more confident in that. It’s just something I have to work on.

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