Bryce Soderberg & the 2nd Wheel :: Stardust

Posted: July 25, 2013 in Songs
Tags: ,


Bryce Soderberg & the 2nd Wheel :: Stardust
Available to stream via Bandcamp

If there was ever a song that completely encompassed my life’s journey at this very moment, “Stardust” would be it. When I first heard it back in February, something in the song just resonated with me. I became so attached to it, I asked the man himself to post the lyrics just to see if the words would fit as well as the music. Whether he remembers the conversation or not, he did it last month.

I’m on a mission, resuming transmission, I checked out for too long
was put into submission ’till I wrote down it all
but the truth is I cannot be trusted with words in my head
assume the crash positions, brace, when getting out of bed

Coming out of a failed 10-year marriage and a mentally abusive relationship to boot, I’m  more than familiar with the concept of “checking out.” There were times I checked out so much that I didn’t care what happened to me. Dreams were a luxury I couldn’t afford. Since the divorce, I’ve been on a mission of re-discovery, “resuming transmission,” allowing myself to actually believe I could have a life outside of what I’d been led to believe. More often than not, I’m still fighting some form of negative conditioning. Times when I don’t trust myself, my gut, my instincts, because they’ve all been warped one way or another.

wake up and pay my dues ’till I’m blue in the face
falling in line with the rest ’till I’m out of the race
but I’m losing it over nothing I’m just clearing space
you can only dance with the darkness ’til dawn takes its place.

Schooled in practicality, I have a hard time justifying letting go of the things I think I have to do- like work- just to pay the bills.  I often wonder what it would be like to just take off and attempt to pursue… what exactly? I’m not even sure what I want to do. The only thing I know is what I’m supposed to do- figure out a way to make more money to move out while keeping up with the spousal support and my car payments. Wake up, work, sleep. Sometimes eat when I remember. But that only lasts so long. More and more, I’m discovering that I’m not happy. That I’m meant to be doing something else even if I don’t quite know what that is.

It’s not easy to change in a world of chaos
cause in layman’s terms, I was the pit boss
choking down the last of my entitlement
I kiss that ring goodbye while we’re sill young but I follow through In the light of it

Last year, I sacrificed my position to stay employed at a lower salary. I needed the money and the health benefits considering my condition. I went from managing a team to… well, being just a voice in the crowd. It was a bit of a kick in the gut, especially since I’d been so used to certain privileges that my position and salary could afford. The last line- well, I may not be as young as I feel but that just about describes the divorce and subsequent spousal support obligation, doesn’t it? Money aside, I still believe that despite the trauma caused by the divorce, it was still the right decision for both of us. When I can look at it objectively, the relationship nearly killed us both.

I thank my lucky stars for this life of ambition
I have you and a life of a musician
push the reset button, reboot up and take what you get
let love in to take care of the rest of it

Though I’m not a musician, I’ve always fancied a life in music. One of my bucket list items is to tour with a band. I used to believe I could be a singer but now, I’d be content just to support the artists that I’ve not only loved, but who have inspired me to, well, stay alive.

‘Cause we’re just a speck in this world and they say
take it or leave it.

Every day, I’m learning to trust again, not just in people but also in myself. I want to live in gratitude, not in entitlement. To explore and truly be free.

Short on Stardust but there’s still time
I needed you to hear me out, and free me from all my doubts
yeah you found me
I can’t feel you but there’s still time 
recharging me when I am low, no one’s ever been this close
can you hear me?

Thank you, Bryce. For this reminder. Of where I’ve been and where I need to go. And that it’s never to late to begin to truly live.

—-

You can hear this live (hopefully) when Bryce hits the Silverlake Lounge tomorrow as part of High Voltage Magazine’s August Residency. Come, show your support!

Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Silverlake Lounge – 2906 Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, CA
Tickets: $10 cash at the door
Ages 21
+

Lineup:
08:30 Heavy Heavy Hearts
09:30 John Flanagan
10:30 Bryce Soderberg & the 2ndWheel
11:30 The Vim Dicta

xx

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