Archive for September, 2013

[ Musings ] Caged and Killed

Posted: September 30, 2013 in Blog
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These are two unrelated subjects that have been on my mind as of late. The first was triggered by several vivid dreams I’ve been having over the last 3 months. The most memorable was a week or so ago. I dreamed I owned a black and white rabbit that lived in a cage. In the dream, two weeks passed and I had neglected to feed the rabbit. After realizing this, I opened the cage in a panic but the rabbit seemed bright-eyed and healthy, looking up at me as if grateful for the release but puzzled by my anxiety. It hopped out onto a kitchen counter where I proceeded to feed it a carrot stick, then a celery stick. Despite my worry, it seemed to be fine, until it started on the stalk of malunggay leaves, which are known for their health benefits. About halfway through, it just keeled over and flattened like an expired balloon. I freaked out for a few minutes, then belatedly attempted CPR. Then promptly woke up with the vile taste of leaves and slime in my mouth.

This isn’t the first dream I’ve had involving a cage. Sometimes I’m in it, other times, it’s something else I’m trying to save, but typically fail to do so. These have not made for easy nights. I tend towards nightmares as it is and these cage dreams haven’t replaced my usual ones, just added on to them.

Something else I’ve started to become aware of lately, is using variations of “Am I gonna get killed if…” or “Are you gonna hurt me if…” when broaching a delicate subject, or stating a conflicting opinion. 80% of the time, it’s meant to be amusing as I only use it around friends. The answer typically is some form of, “Haha, no.” The frequency with which I’ve been doing it though makes me wonder. Do I actually fear physical abuse from this person? These are the people I trust the most. Or maybe that’s it? They’re too close so I subconsciously feel like I don’t have enough room to defend myself? Of course, I could just be overthinking as usual but it’s still a pervasive pattern. I guess monitor and we’ll see how it goes.



Rags & Ribbons :: The Marks You Make

Posted: September 26, 2013 in Songs

Rags & Ribbons :: The Marks You Make
Available for stream or download via Bandcamp

Imagine being on an airplane, enroute to a vacation destination. Though you’d been on countless flights before, you’d gotten more and more nervous about flying. Maybe you’re just getting older. Maybe you’d read one too many news stories and seen too many things fall out of the sky. The person you consider your partner wasn’t there because it was a “family” trip. Things had been a little tense anyway and you thought maybe distance would be a good thing. In any case, she wasn’t there to hold your hand and reassure you that you’d both touch the ground safely.

So there you are, curled up in a ball on the tiny ass seat of the plane, trying to convince yourself the bumpy ride was because of potholes in the road and not something that could send you careening thousands of feet into the ocean when you could barely swim even if you survived the impact. You put on your headphones on to drown out the noise, and this song filters in, in all it’s harmonic angelic glory.

I’ll protect you in the corners of my mind,
You are one I won’t forget all my life.

Yes, this happened to me. And for one brief shining moment, I thought, “OMG, God is talking to me.” (more…)

Kundalini Yoga :: Plow Pose

Kundalini Yoga :: Plow Pose // Image Credit:

Yesterday, I ventured into the mysterious realms of Kundalini Yoga via Seventh Chakra Yoga. I’d been feeling antsy and increasingly frustrated with life over the last few weeks. I felt I was reaching a breaking point in several aspects of my life- mainly career, relationships, and friendships. I couldn’t settle down. I didn’t know how to. I just knew I needed to take a step back and center myself, dig deep for the answers I knew were inside.

Kundalini was exactly what I needed. (more…)