Deluka :: Home

Posted: May 8, 2014 in Songs
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Deluka :: Home
Available on Amazon: MP3

The last few weeks have gotten me thinking about the places I call “home.” Depending on the context, “home” for me can mean the Philippines, except when I’m there, it’s the USA. It’s Japan- Shibuya, Ikebukuro, Osaka. It’s the beach, Disneyland, Laguna, Hollywood. It’s my parents’ house. My girlfriend’s. My truck. Forever my truck. It’s a set of keys, a wagging tail, a face, a smile, a laugh. That’s when this song, if you’ll excuse the pun, really hit home for me.

In the bright white, of the headlights
Bouncing off the edge of the sky
Your Energy, dancing around me
Keeps me warm it keeps me alive…

I’d heard the song off and on since it came out, since Deluka started to sing it at live shows. Without a doubt, one of my favorite local bands, I make a point to see at least 1 out of every 4 shows, especially now that I’m in Hollywood.

You feel like a place to sleep when it’s late
Somewhere I can close my eyes.
When the world went cold you were brighter than gold
We built this City overnight…

It started with one person, someone I’d really only known a short time, offering me sanctuary at a time when my head was in flux. Admittedly, there are days when I still question this friendship. There’s no logic to it, just a gut feel. Maybe that’s the point. However it turns out, I’m eternally grateful for the roof over my head.

In our safe house, we built out
Chasing every high every dream.
We switch off, the voices
Trying to tell us who we should be

The concept of a person instead of a place being “home” to me is not a new one. When I first started working in LA, I already told my girlfriend that she was my anchor. She was the one that kept me sane when I wasn’t sure about anything. My family is the same. I know they will always be there for me, even when I make it difficult.

And we move it along, forever we’re young
Don’t see any need to wait.
When the world went cold you were brighter than gold
Our feelings only escalate…

But this time was different. They’re all outside of LA. I knew I had to find my way in the city, make a place for myself there- not just physically but mentally as well. I couldn’t run home every time something overwhelmed me. As it turned out, I have more of a support system than I realized. Instead of one couch, I have at least three. It just took that trigger to come to terms with it.

I’ll meet you at the bridge.
We’ll talk into the night
Take the first train home
And in the morning light
We fall asleep, in each others arms
And when we wake up…

Occasionally, I’m able to get a place to myself. That’s really when I start to feel like maybe I can make it. Though it’s uncomfortable being alone- let’s face it, I’ve never lived alone my entire life- actually doing it frees me in the end. Exploring Hollywood on my own, realizing that I can makes the discovery sweeter.

We will be home.

This song resonates in so many different ways. Different lines are attributed to different people in my life. But overall… and this may sound odd… it’s also about the part of me that is afraid to move forward and the part of me that can’t wait to take that next step. If I can reconcile those two sides, I can make my home not just in LA but anywhere I choose. Because ultimately, my strongest sanctuary is myself. That’s where I should feel most at home.


xx

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