Fall Out Boy :: Alone together

Posted: June 19, 2014 in Songs
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Fall Out Boy :: Alone Together
Available on Amazon: MP3 | Album | CD

There are times when I feel… not apathetic exactly but there’s an element of uncaring when it comes to what happens to me. I’m not typically a risk-taker; quite the opposite. I’m normally the planner who researches what time the last train leaves so I’m not caught unprepared. That being said, there are moments when my brain clicks off and I allow life to take me where it will. Sometimes it takes me down alleys into clubs I’d normally be afraid of or avoid, usually because I’m on these ventures alone. There’s a certain freedom when you let go of fear; though in my lucid moments, I wonder if I know where to draw the line. Usually I find it when I’m recounting some adventure and the person I’m talking to starts staring at me like I’ve grown a second head. Knowing I have these lapses in common sense or moments of trust in the universe, however you want to look at it, I identified with these lyrics the moment I heard them. As I blunder my way through Hollywood life, this has become my newest anthem.

I don’t know where you’re going
But do you got room for one more troubled soul?
I don’t know where I’m going
But I don’t think I’m coming home and I said
I’ll check in tomorrow if I don’t wake up dead
This is the road to ruin
And we’re starting at the end.”

Once when I was very young, I got lost in a grocery store. Except I was unaware of being lost. My frantic parents simply found me following someone else I thought was one of them. They may have a different version of the story but I don’t remember being particularly perturbed, except at their reactions. I’m much more cautious now but there’s still a tendency to decide, at times prematurely, that someone I meet is worthy of trust. And once I trust someone, I tend to follow them, try new things, unless they lead me completely astray. That being said, I’ll push current boundaries to do so. Usually, it ends up being a good learning experience. But my trust hasn’t always been deserved and it’s backfired more than once.

You cut me off, I lost my track
It’s not my fault, I’m a maniac
It’s not funny anymore, no it’s not

My heart is like a stallion
They love it more when it’s broke in
Do you wanna feel beautiful?
Do you wanna?

When I make these mistakes, I take them hard. Everything is magnified. Everything goes black and white. Which is why I end up my brattiest towards the people who point them out or try to “help” me through the situation. I fucked up. I know it. I don’t want the constant reminder even with the best of intentions. It breaks trust, not only in the person I mistakenly identified as a good influence, but on a deeper level, in myself. I start doubting my gut, my ability to pick out bad apples and, when I get really low, my sanity. So I lash out.

I’m outside the door, invite me in
So we can go back and play pretend
I’m on deck, yeah, I’m up next
Tonight I’m high as a private jet

On the opposite spectrum, are the good times with the good guys. The first two lines in this section describe a scenario I lived through quite recently, waiting outside a door (it was actually a gate/screen) like a lost puppy to be let inside. Even now, I can’t help but laugh at the memory. That was a day I went on blind faith that so far has not let me down. The same applies to my decision to switch jobs and shift the bulk of my life to LA in general. It’s not all roses and daisies but at the end of the day, I have no regrets. I’m in the middle of music and art and beaches and beauty, all for the taking if I so choose. Despite the stress and the sickness and the overwork, I’ve never felt so free or so alive.

Yeah, let’s be alone together
We could stay young forever
Scream it from the top of your lungs
Say yeah, let’s be alone together
We could stay young forever
We’ll stay young.

I don’t know where you’re going
But do you got room for one more troubled soul?
I don’t know where I’m going
But I don’t think I’m coming home and I said
I’ll check in tomorrow if I don’t wake up dead
This is the road to ruin
And we’re starting at the end.

When I was young, I was convinced I’d die by the time I hit my 30’s. It wasn’t a self-pitying “woe is me” sort of thing. I literally couldn’t envision a life after that, no family, no picket fence, nothing. As it so happened, my life did end at that exact time – the life of misery I had resigned myself to. The last few years have been such an incredible blessing I have no words to describe. I still have no idea what’s in store for me in the future. Everything feels like it’s in flux. But that’s part of the ride isn’t it? The start of any adventure is brought on by change. Good or bad, you have to let go and take that first step.

xx

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