Archive for November, 2015

[ Musings ] The real life

Posted: November 6, 2015 in Blog, Health
Tags: ,

Let’s talk about Hemangiopericytoma.

I have it.
Others have it.
But it’s rare enough that no one really knows what to do about it.

Cancer in general is tricky. There are so many different kinds, so many variations even within a specific kind of cancer (ie lung) that treatment tends to be hit or miss. My particular case technically isn’t even cancer. It’s a recurring mass that has resulted in two surgeries (the first, an 8-hour marathon + 4 hour embolism) within 4 years and a severely atrophied kidney.

And mine considered a “benign” tumor.

Now, 5 years after the last, I’m staring down the barrel of another one, pending approval to see a liver surgeon. My health insurance has been… less than inspiring thus far but one can only hope. Best case, I end up under the knife and on the hook for 20% of it after I wake up. Worst case… well, let’s just not.

The past weekend has given me time to reflect, to digest the news, and get on with the next step. I realized the full extent of how this situation has influenced how I live my life. It has forced me to take each day, each moment, and try to make it one to remember. To cram in as much as possible before the next MRI. The next diagnosis. The next time on the table. I fail a lot. I fall a lot. Sometimes I hurt those I love along the way. That’s when I want to give up, when I wonder if this is worth it. If living is worth it.

But I’m always reminded it is– whether it’s a friend that comes calling, a favorite song that comes on, even looking up at the sunset at just the right time.

Living is worth it. Besides, I’m already here. Might as well make the best of it.