Dear Boy :: Local Roses

Posted: March 22, 2016 in Songs
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Dear Boy :: Local Roses
Available on Amazon: MP3

As with “Hesitation Waltz” before it, the latest single from Dear Boy has become the theme song for my latest crush. For someone who admittedly has trouble with commitment, I tend to fall for people quickly, ignoring gut feel and logic.

This story starts in a bar.

“It’s not her…
There is a ghost in her clothes.

It’s not love…
But it felt like it then.”

I wasn’t trying to find anyone, which may have worked to my advantage. It was a brilliant evening with old friends, new friends, and this stranger with an amazing mouth who vaguely reminded me of my first kiss in high school. I was delighted when he texted that same night.

“I can hold her now, but it’s clear that she’s not mine to keep.
Guess it was always in my heart to let her go…
The local rose I’ll never know.”

After our first date, some inner voice told me he wouldn’t last. “This is temporary,” it whispered. I brushed it aside. There was no reason to think that. We had fun despite some hiccups, and were instantly comfortable with each other. Our uber driver assumed we’d been together a while and was surprised to learn we had just met.

“It’s a dream…
I’m not free to leave.

And it’s a promise…
The day that I could learn to keep one.”

I could tell him anything. Conversation flowed easily. He grounded me. I expanded his world. We were evenly matched with different outlooks on life but a similar backbone. We even had the most random things in common- a favorite song, a discarded technical background, a tendency to name plants. We even lived within walking distance.

“I still walk your street, like it’s new to me.
But I know this house.

Now I’ve got my chance to finally do things right…
But I won’t tonight.”

The shoe dropped on our fourth date. He was moving away for work. Nonplussed, I brushed that aside as well. I wasn’t looking for commitment (see above). I thought we could carry on as we were until he left. No expectations. No regrets. He disagreed.

“If you say goodbye…
So will I”

In retrospect, he may have been right. The eventual parting could’ve hurt more as we spent more time together. He stopped seeing me. He’d respond to texts, even call back when I tried to set up a meeting to get closure. He never ghosted, just refused to meet. I tried for a month. I hate leaving things unfinished. Though I suppose to him, they never started. Even over the phone, he wouldn’t say goodbye. Just “I’m sorry we met at the wrong time.”

“I can hold her now, but she was never mine at all.
Guess I was always meant to let her go…
The local rose I’ll never know.”

I don’t know where he is now. The last text is his. I had to step back so I never answered. I wish this had ended cleanly but I have to move on without knowing. Even if the hardest path to take.

“If you say goodbye…
So will I”

The song kills me and lifts my spirits at the same time. The music speaks of hope; the lyrics ground me with the truth. I can’t stand listening to it. I can’t stop listening to it. It’s the perfect reminder of the memories, the happiness I felt whenever I was with him, and the bittersweet circumstances in which we found ourselves.

“If you say goodbye…
So will I”

Either way, I’m grateful that we met. He reminded me what it was like, to fall fast, to fall hard, to have that feeling reciprocated. He reminded me what it was like to wake up to bright eyes that got even brighter when he smiled, realizing I was awake. He reminded me of the beauty of discovering and learning about someone you already felt you’d known all your life.

“If you say goodbye…”

Maybe this isn’t the end of the story. Maybe he was right yet again to not say goodbye. Maybe this is goodbye… for now.

“So will I…”


xx

 

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