[ Musings ] Statements of disputable fact

Posted: May 15, 2016 in Blog, Health
Tags: , , , ,

There’s a thing that takes up space in my head. A thing I don’t talk about because it wasn’t quite enough. It’s the same reasoning that leads me to think I should stop talking about my cancer to anyone who doesn’t already know me.

But maybe, just maybe, I’m wrong. I started talking about my past health issues because it was a rare enough condition that I wanted to help educate people about it. Then I got a “common” cancer and suddenly I didn’t feel like I had anything out of the ordinary to share.

I’d like to break out of that way of thinking. I’ve become fairly adept at talking my way around the subject without actually naming it. I don’t feel worthy of the label. Because what I’d experienced wasn’t bad enough to warrant a label.

I figure those who were physically abused would laugh at me because I was never physically hurt. That those who have to go through chemo would scoff because my cancer was on the right side of “curable” (even the rare one is “recurring but benign”).

I’m one of the first who will say I don’t want to be labeled but sometimes giving a thing a name makes it easier to accept. And if I accept the identification, it may make it easier to deal with.

So that’s what I’d like to try out tonight.

“I am a survivor of cancer and an emotionally abusive relationship.”

ouch. 

Okay, that just made me want to curl up and forget the world exists for a little while.

Except… it does. And the universe (or the frightening algorithms of Google) finds a way to lead you to the answer you already knew but were afraid to face.

In my case, running away from this post led to finding a random article on a news page about this hashtag: #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou

There’s still a voice that tells me all or part of it was my fault. I was too weak. I couldn’t handle it. But that shouldn’t stop me from handling it now.

Reading these made me realize that I’m not alone. That maybe things were bad enough. And that by acknowledging instead of denying these facts, I can figure out how to move forward.


xx

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