Posts Tagged ‘Dark Waves’

Dark Waves :: Beast Like Them

Posted: April 5, 2017 in Songs
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Dark Waves :: Beast Like Them
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I missed a month somewhere. Work has been a slow slide into madness. It’s not retrograde (which I’m told is coming up. Eek.) Not that I put a lot of credence into that but people do. It’s hard not to feel the change in them.

This song is both a bane and a balm. It catches me in a state of mind I don’t particularly want to be in, but have to acknowledge before I can start climbing out. It’s a state of mad despair and desire, a black hole I can continue to fall in to, with the ghosts of everything I could’ve been, done, and want swirling around me, just out of reach.

It hit me like a gut punch once, during a live show. I wasn’t quite in the mood but was teetering on the brink of it. I had also just sorted out enough lyrics to scream out. So I did.

“When my heart starts beating and the love starts slipping away
Like the ghost of a soul that can never be saved
I don’t know where I go but I don’t wanna stay.


When my heart starts beating and the love starts slipping away
Like the ghost of a soul that can never be saved
I don’t know where I go but I don’t wanna stay.”

The song hit me hard. I fell and felt like I was going to drown. But a friend anchored me. Wrapped his arms around me tight. I could feel my nails digging into his hands but he just held on. He knew, somehow, without me having to say it. Though we’ve since grown apart, I’ll forever be grateful for that moment.

Last week found me similarly sliding. I’d hit a point at work where I wasn’t sure if I was making things worse by my presence. I wasn’t being effective despite putting in extra hours and effort. Something had broken, disconnected. I didn’t know how to fix it.
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